I’m Having Contractions
land of quo
evolution through comic malaise
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land of quo 
Haha, really like this one!
Nope.
Don’t do contractions? Or don’t like language humor?
What are you dilated to?
It feels like I am dilated to about 5 centimeters and 60% effaced. This is just a guess, mind you, because my cervix is a figment of my imagination.